Dear [Hiring Manager],
Please accept this letter as formal notice of my resignation. Although my time here has been brief - four business days - it has been sufficiently meaningful to warrant this extremely well-designed announcement.
I extend my gratitude to the colleagues whose names I learned, the onboarding portal that taught me patience, and the coffee machine that asked nothing of me. I depart with respect for the work, a working knowledge of the org chart, and no unresolved grievances beyond the aforementioned portal.
I remain available to ensure a seamless transition, which given the timeline should take approximately four minutes.
Respectfully,